Roots

Was casually scrolling through Reddit and came across a post on r/gurgaon from someone who was planning to quit his XXLPA job due to sheer lack of motivation and boredom. I got curious and kept reading, and learned that the OP was disinterested in everything, no plans A, B, C....or even X. Nothing felt exciting or worth continuing. Someone suggested he become like IIT BABA (iykyk), to which he responded, verbatim: “That’s the best outcome for any human - to be free from societal pressure, greed, lust, and material desires.” 

And honeslty, that hit me. It made me wonder: Can we really do what we truly want to do? Sadly, most of us can’t unless we are that conscious, that un-materialistic, that detached from society. This is a capitalistic world and you need money for everything. Yes, I could ditch all that, but would societal norms, pressures, wants, and standards let me live without questioning? I don’t think so. 

For me, I’m actually very motivated to do my work. I truly enjoy it and want to continue for a while, at least until I have enough money to retire. But you know what I truly want to do? I want to live in our ancestral house in Ayodhya. It’s a real village, a proper village. I haven’t been there since around 2009. A lot has happened over the years. My mom is visiting these days, and when I hear all the stories, I feel so drawn to it. Our large farms, large open house, the greenery, the simplicity, the community, the people! They'r sooo helpful, always ask how you are, unlike in cities like Gurgaon where nobody cares about anybody. 

I don’t even want to start describing my experience here in the US, lol. I’ve become so used to living without community that I feel like a machine. But when I hear about our village, I feel like that’s where I truly want to live. America feels so lonely, disconnected, unspiritual, meaningless. Lol. I didn’t intend this to turn into a rant, but that’s just how I feel today. I now understand why my friend was so happy to return to India after living in Japan for so many years. 

Maybe this is just one of those realizations that sits with you (over the long weekend :P) not something you act on immediately, not something you fix overnight. Just an understanding of what feels missing. Life might keep me in cities, in jobs, in routines for now. But at least I’m no longer pretending that this is all I want. There’s comfort in simply acknowledging the truth, right?

Bare minimum

When I meet new people or catch up with old friends/acquaintances, I am really surprised at how careless some of us can be about very basic responsibilities. Like seriously, after so many years of living on this planet and after achieving so many milestones, there are still people who don’t even have a proper bank account or haven’t bothered to link their Aadhaar with their PAN card (if you still have Indian passport). That’s not a “small mistake,” that’s straight-up irresponsible. We really can’t afford to be this ignorant in 2025. Opening a bank account or linking Aadhaar and PAN is not some extra work the government asks us to do for no reason. It is linked with our day to day activities. Yet, many people avoid these responsibilities until the very last minute, and suddenly, it’s the government’s fault for creating “extra layers. Another one that blows my mind is people who still can’t drive. Like… in India?? Where traffic, commuting, and mobility literally define daily life? Not knowing how to drive at this point feels like another level of negligence. I get it, not everyone can afford a car or bike, but learning how to drive is about independence. It can literally save you in emergencies and just makes day-to-day life way easier. I know — in rural areas or with older generations, maybe digital literacy or access wasn’t always possible. Totally fair. But for most people, it’s not about access. It’s about attitude. People procrastinate, they brush it off like “oh, I’ll do it later,” and then when reality hits, all hell breaks lose. There are literally 10 things on top of my head that one should know how to do it in your life. I watched a movie called The Life List last night and it made me think. I remembered how, as a kid, I had this list of things I wanted to achieve in life. But somewhere along the way, I stopped. Did I achieve everything? Nah. So why did I stop? No clue. But guess what, I’m making a fresh list today for the next 20 years. Hell yeah.

Chasing simplicity

Have you spotted anyone without a cell phone at a train station or walking without headphones? Neither have I, but I’m one of them. My colleague often talks about how he goes to these yoga retreats every two months for his 'renewal'. When I asked him what they do there, he said they have meditation and mindfulness sessions, share their experiences with complete strangers, practice healthy eating, relaxation and healing, and do workshops that brings cerebral stillness. It kind of knocks me out because I’m not a yoga person and always wondered how external guidance could calm (people) down. It's ironic that in this fast-paced world with distractions at your finger tips, simplicity is so out of reach.

It’s funny how life has changed, isn't it? I remember the days when the only “connection” that mattered was the one you had with your neighbors, friends, and family. Growing up in India, the pace of life was different. At least per my memory, not sure how things are now. Mornings started with the smell of masala chai my mother used to make, the rustling of Hindustan Times newspaper sheets, the breakfast  I used to have (usually parathas and sabzi), to the sound of kabadiwalas and sabziwalas, while the kids played in the streets. Ah! That's my therapy, my white noise.

There was a simplicity in how we lived. We didn’t need much to be happy—just a cricket bat (yeah, I used to play that), a few friends, and the promise of a good game after school before the era of tuitions took over. Festivals were community events; everyone’s door was open, and we celebrated together, from sharing sweets to making Ravana during Dusshera. I can't remember the last time I celebrated Diwali with my people, but Diwali, to me is the memory of my childhood when the first priority was the Lakshmi pooja, lighting up simple mitti diyas (no fancy decoration whatsoever), followed by circulating sweets boxes to the neigbours, and then coming home to burst crackers. It all changed now.  Makar Sankranti used to be a great community event. When I think of it, it takes me back to our Jammu days, living in BSF quarters on the second floor and all the kids used to gather on the terrace to fly kites. It wasn’t just about the kites or throwing water filled balloons on strangers during Holi; it was about being together, shouting in unison when someone’s kite was cut, and the joy of the simple things.

Even our vacations meant so much. Traveling to our village house in Ayodhya was a nice break. People used to feed guests with fresh dudh (milk), jaggery in copper glasses back then unlike today when biscuits and tea took over. There was something so refreshing about waking up to the sound of birds, walking barefoot on the earth, and picking mangoes straight from the "aam ke bagh" my Chacha had. Back then (almost 25 years ago), there were no toilets in our village, so everyone would go to the fields—that was quite an experience! I won’t go into details, but those experiences were priceless. If you know what I mean :D  How I enjoyed plucking peas, sugarcane from our farms that my Chacha manages now. The last time I went to our village in Ayodhya was in 2011 for just 2 days! Why, what took me this long?!!!. 

Also, shopping wasn’t about brands; it was about the experience. Walking through the local market, bargaining with the vendors, and choosing fresh produce—it was an event in itself. I remember how I made my Papa spend hours in the market in Jammu, just to buy a sweatshirt when I was in 10th standard. I wanted something really cool/stylish - thanks to the teen hormones. The joy of finding that perfect sweatshirt after hours of browsing was so fulfilling. I hate online shopping! I watched my first movie "Kaho na pyar hai" with papa in Jammu and then bought stickers and posters of Hrithik to paste in my secret diary. Lol, crush. Man! What days.

Life now feels like a race. We’re always connected, but are we truly connecting? The hustle, the deadlines, the notifications—it’s all so overwhelming tbh. Sometimes, I find myself longing for that slower pace, where the most urgent thing was getting home in time to have the evening tea with the family. (My friends back in Delhi knew I had a cut off time of 5:30 pm to reach home as my folks and I always used to have our evening chai session together. lol!)

Cutest cow ever!

I guess what I’m saying is that I miss the small joys, the simple pleasures that used to define our days. Maybe that’s why the idea of traveling to small towns, visiting roadside dhabas, and just being close to nature feels so appealing. It’s a way to reconnect with that part of life that we’ve somehow left behind in the rush to “move forward.” Well, what I mean is that it’s not about running away from the present but about finding a way back to what truly makes us happy. The life we had —it wasn’t perfect, but it was pure, uncomplicated, and full of warmth. 

I want to keep a cow as a pet - that's my wish. Cow is my favorite animal. This is my picture with a random cow roaming around my Gurgaon home when I visited India last year.

In a way, I think we are all searching for that balance, that peace that comes from living simply and meaningfully. Maybe that’s why my colleague finds value in those yoga retreats—it’s a step towards slowing down for them, tuning out the noise, and rediscovering what really matters. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we all took a little break, paused the race, and found our way back to the simplicities that once made us who we are.

Friendship

I used to be someone with literally hundreds of friends. In school, I was a very popular kid, and I had friends—best friends—with both girls and guys. I was a tomboy, so I felt comfortable with both of the genders that existed back then. When I moved on to undergraduate college, I made several friends, not only in my batch but also among seniors and juniors. This was because I was active in social and co-curricular activities, participating in many clubs and events.

When I moved on to pursue my higher education, there was so much to explore, so many departments, hostels, and an abundance of activities to take part in. As a result, I ended up with hundreds of friends across disciplines and years.

However, as I reached the pre-final year of my PhD, my circle of friends began to shrink. Now, I literally have only two people whom I call my best friends and only friends. Not that I don't care about other friendships that went missing on the way, but I do want to mention a friendship that is worth the mention in my life because it was very special to me.

We'd named our group "MAGN", deriving each letter from the first letter of our names. We knew each other from 2004! Why am I writing about this today? Because I got rid of the last and only remaining member of that group after losing touch with the first two some 2 years ago. Why? We simply grew apart. Life and circumstances can take people away from you. We tried—I’m sure we tried. But time and distance bring confusion, miscommunications, and misjudgments..

I don’t want to go into the details of what happened or why. I know they don't know about my blog here so probably they are never gonna read this but I just want to say that I hold nothing but love in my heart for them. The time we shared and memories we made are wonderful, and I hope they enjoyed my company as well. But sometimes, moving on is the only solution.

Insights from my journey

Sunsets at Red Rocks

Now that I am in my 30s and having met thousands of people, lived in multiple cities and countries, and experienced various stages of life (and continuing to do so), I can't help but reflect on how few things in life are truly important (non-negotiable). I would love to share this with someone as confused as I was in my early 20s, to help guide them. 

1. Importance of workouts and physical fitness: This is THE most important thing in life. I think, everything else—money, power, fame, love, etc. (not in order)—comes after this. Unless you have good health and follow a sustainable fitness regime, not just to lose a few kilos now and then, but to incorporate it into your everyday lifestyle as a permanent habit, you can't enjoy other aspects of life fully. What you do in your early 20s and 30s will have a direct impact on your later life. I remember how my professor once told me that taking care of his health in his early years by playing tennis, hiking, flossing his teeth, and so on has allowed him to live a comfortable life in his 80s, unlike many of his peers. Also, drink water. 
2.  Freedom to explore your life in the early years: I've seen that parents who imposed strictness on their kids during their formative years often led those kids to explore freedom in not-so-good ways when they finally got the opportunity. It's like if you restrict yourself from doing something for a long time, you might do it in the worst possible way if given the chance. For example, I remember when I used to diet and avoid eating a piece of cake or cookie, I would often fail miserably and end up eating a whole box at 1 a.m., then cry and blame my friend who left their snack box at my home by mistake. So, do not restrict your kids too much. Some form of restriction should be there, though. 
3. Go out, travel, and meet/interact with people: This is another important aspect of life that nobody talks about enough. I have had the privilege of being a military brat, so traveling and moving were part of my life. But I can't emphasize enough its importance in the real world. I have lived on totally opposite sides of the hemispheres alone, but I did a pretty decent job of surviving it with pride. I think this came from my experience of changing schools every 2 years and living in different states of India with varying languages and cultural backgrounds. This really helped me adjust myself in different groups and enhanced my tolerance. It taught me that it is normal and that you have to get through it. 
4. Pursuing continuous learning and growth: Never stop learning. Whether through formal education, reading, or acquiring new skills, continuous learning keeps you intellectually engaged and opens up new opportunities when you expect it the least. 
5. Financial literacy and planning: Understanding money management and planning for the future is so essential. In my early years, I didn't pay much attention to saving or investing, but as I grew older, I realized the importance of financial stability and freedom that comes after. Learning about budgeting, investing, and saving has given me a sense of security and freedom to make life choices without financial stress. It has also taught me the essesnce of responsibility. As a youngest kid in the family, I was the last person to be considered responsible (becuase of my track records) but now I take pride in telling people that atleast few people in my life (my family, of course) have started taking me seriously and consider me responsible. 😊
6. Follow this when joining a new workplace: When you join a new workplace, be proactive. Arrive early and make it a habit, as your initial actions can set lasting patterns. Participate in activities and meetings, ask questions, and never shy away from voicing your opinions. Taking these steps will help you integrate quickly and make a positive impression. Stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to new opportunities and learning experiences. Volunteer for challenging projects, propose innovative ideas, and don't be afraid to suggest changes that could improve processes. I believe what you do in the first six months sets a lasting impression about you as a person and colleague in people's minds. If you cut slack after six months, it won't change anything. However, if you are clumsy and boring at the start, no matter how hard you try to change people's perception of you after six months, it will never change.
7. Take risks: I am a huge supporter of taking risks (with some caveats of course)*. It's like stepping onto a new path without knowing exactly where it leads. It's exciting and a bit scary, but it's how we grow and achieve amazing things. Before making important risky decisions, my mantra in life is to first calm myself down by thinking, 'Hey, what's the worst thing that can happen?' I imagine the worst-case scenario and weigh it against the fact that I would still be alive and have my job/family. I believe that if you've already considered the worst-case scenario of your risk decision, you'll be at ease with accepting the outcome afterward. At least, that approach has worked out for me. (* you should always have a plan B and don't get too risky, you know. Always take calculated risks).

Reflections of 2023

I don't know if all the grown ups do that but I love world news. I mean it is such an interesting time to be alive with so much happening daily around you. 

In the crazy year, I did some crazy things 😎

Who would have thought that in this day and age, we would witness countries resorting to military actions like bombings, leaving the world on edge? The Russia-Ukraine conflict stands as a stark reminder that despite our technological progress, old conflicts persist. Who would have imagined that people can abduct humans from a music fest.. It's the kind of thing you’d only expect in a movie, not in reality. Yet, these events show us the harsh realities we face, shaking our sense of security.

But it's not all grim news. We're in an era where artificial intelligence isn't just a sci-fi dream or a sequence from a Hollywood movie but a reality that is increasingly changing our day-to-day lives. Tools like chat-based AI models are transforming the way we work and interact. It's just fascinating how tech is continually evolving to assist us and I can not imagine what is in store for us in the next couple of decades.

Science has truly gone interstellar! India's successful landing of its rover on the moon's south pole and its subsequent recovery maneuvers are a testament to human ingenuity and ambition. Economic landscapes have shifted too. While countries like India skyrocketed to trillion-dollar economies, others (Guess who :P) faced financial struggles almost to the point of bankruptcy. The representation of diverse body types like the participation of a plus-sized contestant in the Miss World pageant, and gender (Hail Women reservation bill 2023!), marks a really cool positive stride towards normalizing beauty standards. Abrogation of 370 has put all the chaos to the end, hopefully. On the international stage, the inclusion of South African nations into BRICS signified a shifting geopolitical landscape.

Cheers to the surprises and the adventures that await us in 2024! Wish everyone a Happy New Year 2024!!! 

P.S. Almost 4 years ago, I co-wrote an article on the abrogation of article 370, and co-incidently supreme court gave its verdict today confirming an end to J&K's special status.

Power naps

Well, I never knew what napping is. Since I came into existence in this world, I never napped. I never slept after school when other kids used to sleep, or maybe were forced to sleep by their mothers.* I was always the hyperactive type who would rather do something during that time. I have always, always slept for 8 hours during the night. This is like my standard. I would just sleep once in the 24 hours and that would be during the night. I would wake up right when my circadian clock hits the eight-hour mark, and I can't stop appreciating this magical human body. Even now, whenever I'm working from home, I prefer not to use an alarm clock because I know if I sleep say by 11:00 p.m., I would be awake by 7:00 a.m. no matter what. This gives me a very pleasant start to the mornings as I believe waking up with an alarm clock puts stress on your body, albeit not visibly. Just my theory!

Okay, coming back to napping. I used to always wonder how do people nap? What IS it actually? Do you sleep for those 15-30 minutes? Or do you just close your eyes and relax? How do you feel before and after napping? Because whenever I have tried to close my eyes during the day, I have woken up feeling as if I have missed a train or something. So, I napped last week! Yeah, right. According to me, it was napping. Let me explain what I mean by that, and it would be good to hear what others feel. So, last week, I was working from home on Wednesday. It was some time in the afternoon, and I felt sudden tiredness in my body, wanting to just lie down for a bit. My bed was right next to me, so I went ahead and lied down. I automatically closed my eyes. I felt a sense of calm, and it was a good feeling. I lied down for a good 10-15 minutes. I know I didn't sleep because somewhere I was thinking something which I don't remember now, but for sure I wasn't asleep. I opened my eyes after 15 minutes, and I was fresh and active like before. I don't know if that will classify under the act of napping, but that's what my understanding is of the phenomenon. I would like to know from "professional" nappers, though, if napping actually involves deep sleep or just closing your eyes for a bit and its impact on your state of mind. 

*Okay there were some instances that I can count on my fingers when I did sleep in the afternoon say at 2 and woke up at 9 in the night with absolutely no clue of who I was :( Certainly that wouldn't be counted as napping.